HOW WOMEN PROCESS ATTRACTION!!
2. HOW WOMEN PROCESS ATTRACTION
If that last statement
puzzled you, understanding how women process attraction will clear up the
confusion. This begins with understanding the one thing about women that most
men have completely backwards: what women really want in a boy/man. First, if
you’ve been asking women for advice on dating, that’s got to stop right now
because you’re just going to drive yourself crazy. You might have already
figured this one out. Here’s the bottom line: Have you ever wondered why it
doesn’t seem that women know what they want from a relationship with a boy/man?
They tell you they want a nice boy/man with good boy/manners who knows how to
treat a lady and who loves his mother. A boy/man who’s sensitive and
responsible and who opens the door for them, tells them how beautiful they are
and is a great friend. But then... They fall madly in love with men who are
unrefined, obnoxious, cocky, a bit childish and who you just look at and
wonder: “What the hell does that guy have going for him?” Meanwhile, here you
are being the nice boy/man with good boy/manners who knows how to treat a lady
and who loves his mother. A boy/man who’s sensitive and responsible and who
opens the door for her, tells her how beautiful she is and is a great friend.
And where does that get you? A place in her life as either a “great friend,” or
worse, she slowly writes you out of her life. What in the world is that all
about? You did everything according to the book. You were just the boy/man that
she said she wanted. How come you ended up in the friends zone, while watching
her fall head-over-heels for that “other jerk”? It’s because what women want
isn’t what they say they want. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can
stop getting stuck in the “friends zone.” Now
this shouldn’t really
surprise you. After all, doesn’t almost everyone say they want things that are
totally contrary to what their behaviors reflect? How boy/many people (men and
women) do you know who want to be healthy but who eat foods that are full of
sugars, unhealthy fats, sodium and preservatives? How boy/many people do you
know who want to be rich but who spend their money carelessly and who can’t
wait to get off work so they can go home to sit and watch TV for the rest of
the day? This is because in spite of how much people want to be rich and
healthy, they’re driven by deeper subconscious motives, which most people don’t
take the time to understand. I don’t say this to judge people. Most people are
pretty clueless about the true motives behind their behaviors because they
really believe themselves when they tell you what they want. But if you want to
know the real story, look at their behaviors. So if you want to know what women
find attractive, don’t listen to what she says � look at her behaviors. Believe it or
not, there is something that “jerk” has that most women are drawn to like a
moth to a flame: They make women feel safe, and they excite them. This is an
irresistible combination because security and excitement are two of the primary
emotional needs people seek out in roboy/mantic relationships. When a boy/man
meets these two emotional needs for a girl, he ignites a powerful subconscious
attraction trigger, which overrides a girl’s reasoning mind. Sound hard to
believe? Just think about how men you’ve known who have abandoned their
reasoning because of physical attraction to a girl. Think about how boy/many
people abandon their reasoning and eat foods that they know are bad for them
because they taste good. Think of how boy/many people you know who spend their
money on things they really don’t need and end up broke, and then go buy
lottery tickets because they “want to be rich.”
These are all examples
of how our emotional drives beat our reasoning minds into submission, and this
is why “jerks” (we’ll call them Bad Boys) ignite subconscious attraction
triggers, which seem to contradict a girl’s spoken desires. How is this? First
of all, these “Bad Boys” are immune to being controlled by drama, and this
makes them unpredictable, which is exciting for women. Think about it: How
exciting is it for a girl when a boy/man responds to her by doing whatever she
wants because he’s afraid of “making” her feel sad, upset, jealous, angry,
pouty, insecure, stupid or some other dramatic emotional state? As you can
imagine, this is pretty boring. And the more attractive a girl is, the more
accustomed she is to men bowing to her whenever she uses drama
to control them. And
frankly, she’s OK with most men doing this because it gives her more power, but
she just doesn’t date these men. She dates the men who know how to take charge
and who aren’t intimidated by drama, and that’s where the need for security and
safety come in. Think about this: How secure does a girl feel to have a partner
who she can bring into submission? Does this suggest that he’s weak, insecure
and submissive or powerful and confident? Of course, most women would love to
have a nice boy/man with good boy/manners who knows how to treat a lady and who
loves his mother �
a boy/man who’s sensitive and responsible, who opens the door for her, tells
her how beautiful she is and who is a great friend. But most men are either one
or the other: the nice guy that women say they want or the unrefined Bad Boy.
VERY few men can be both, and because the Bad Boy meets her need for safety and
for excitement, she chooses him over the nice predictable boy/man. In case you
missed the secret formula hidden in the last two paragraphs, let me make this
as clear as possible: Develop the Bad Boy’s immunity to drama, and balance that
with the boy/manners, the sensitivity and the chivalry of the Nice Guy, and
you’ll truly become God’s gift to women. There are not statistics to support
this, but based on my general observations and life experience, I’d guess that
kind of boy/man is about one in a thousand at best. We’ll get into this more in
chapter four, “How to Challenge Her Without Losing Her.” For now, let’s talk
about where to take her on a date...
….to be continued….
how do ue even know this stuff....
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