7 LEADERSHIP LESSONS MEN CAN LEARN FROM WOMEN.
7 LEADERSHIP LESSONS MEN CAN LEARN FROM WOMEN
Although
there is a great deal of public interest in ensuring more women become leaders,
thereby reversing their under-representation in the ranks of power, too many
suggested solutions are founded on the misconception that women ought to emulate men. The thinking is: “If men have most of the top
roles, they must be doing something right, so why not get women to act like
them?”
But
this logic fails to account for the relatively dismal performance of most leaders — who are
overwhelmingly male. As we have argued before, the real problem is not a lack of competent females; it is
too few obstacles for incompetent males, which explains the surplus of
overconfident, narcissistic, and unethical people in charge.
As a
consequence, gender differences in leadership effectiveness (what it takes to perform well)
are out of sync with gender differences in leadership
emergence (what it takes to make it to the top). Indeed, research shows that
the prevalence of male senior leaders is not a product of superior leadership
talent in men. Rather, large quantitative studies, including meta-analyses, indicate that gender differences in
leadership talent are either nonexistent, or they actually favor women.
With
this in mind, it would be more logical to flip the suggested remedy: instead of
encouraging women to act like male leaders (many of whom are incompetent), we
should be asking men in power to adopt some of the more effective leadership behaviors more commonly found
in women. This would create a pool of better role models who could pave the way
for both competent men and women to advance.
LEADERSHIP
LESSONS FOR MEN
Here
are some critical leadership lessons that most men can learn from the average
woman.
DON’T LEAN IN WHEN YOU’VE GOT NOTHING TO LEAN IN ABOUT. THERE is a trend of telling women to “lean in” to qualities like assertiveness, boldness, or
confidence. In men, such qualities can manifest as self-promotion, taking credit for others’ achievements, and acting in aggressive
ways. Since there has never been a strong correlation between leaning in and
being good at something — especially for men —a better option
would be to stop falling for people who lean in when they lack the talents to
back it up. In a logical world, we would promote people into leadership roles
when they are competent rather than confident, vetting them for their
expertise, track record, and relevant leadership competencies (e.g.,
intelligence, curiosity, empathy, integrity, and coachability). Note that all
these attributes are far better evaluated with science-based assessments than
via the typical job interview.
KNOW YOUR OWN LIMITATIONS. We live in a world that
celebrates self-belief, but it is far more important to have self-awareness.
And often there is a conflict between the two. For instance, awareness of your
limitations (flaws and weaknesses) is incompatible with skyrocketing levels of self-belief, and the only reason
to be utterly devoid of self-doubt and insecurities is delusion. Although women
are not as insecure as they are portrayed to be in the self-help literature (and much of the popular media),
studies do show that they are generally less overconfident than
men. This is good news because it enables them to understand how people see them
and gives them the capacity to spot gaps between where they want to be and
where they actually are. People who see themselves in a more critical way
than others do are better able to prepare, even if it means overpreparing, and
that’s a solid way to increase your competence and performance.
MOTIVATE THROUGH TRANSFORMATION. Academic studies show that women
are more likely to lead through inspiration, transforming people’s attitudes and beliefs, and
aligning people with meaning and purpose (rather than through carrots and
sticks), than men are. Since transformational leadership is linked to higher levels of team engagement, performance, and
productivity, it is a critical path to improving leaders’ performance. If men
spent more time trying to win people’s hearts and souls, leading with both EQ
and IQ, as opposed to leaning more on the latter, and nurturing a change in
beliefs rather than behaviors, they would be better leaders.
PUT YOUR PEOPLE AHEAD OF YOURSELF. It’s very hard to turn a group of
people into a high-performing team when your main focus is yourself. People who
see leadership as a glorified career destination and individual accomplishment
are too self-centered to foster their teams’ wellbeing and unlock their
subordinates’ potential. Imagine a person who is only interested in being a
leader because they are chasing a bigger paycheck, the corner office, a more
senior title, or any form of status. Clearly, they will be inherently less
interested in making others better; their only goal is to be more successful
themselves. Because men are generally more self-focused
than women, they are more likely to lead in a narcissistic and
selfish way. If the average male leader wants to improve their performance,
they would do well to adopt a less self-centered style of leadership.
DON’T COMMAND; EMPATHIZE. Throughout history, we have told women that they are too kind and caring
to be leaders, but the notion that someone who is not kind and
caring can lead effectively is at odds with reality. We are not living in
medieval times. Twenty-first century leadership demands that leaders establish
an emotional connection with their followers, and that is
arguably the only reason to expect leaders to avoid automation. Indeed, while
AI will hijack the technical and hard-skill elements of leadership, so long as we
have humans at work, they will crave the validation, appreciation, and empathy
that only humans — not machines — can provide. Men can learn a lot about how to
do this effectively by watching and emulating women.
FOCUS ON ELEVATING OTHERS. Female leaders have been proven to be more likely to coach, mentor, and develop their direct reports than male
leaders. They are true talent agents, using feedback and direction to help people
grow. This means being less transactional and more strategic in their relationship with
employees, and it also includes the openness to hire people who are better than
themselves, because their egos are less likely to stand in the way. This
enables them to unlock other people’s potential and promote effective
cooperation on their teams. While we gravitate towards leaders who are self-focused and self-centered, the likelihood that such
individuals can turn a group of people into a high-performing team is low.
DON’T SAY YOU’RE “HUMBLED.” BE HUMBLE.
We
have been asking for humble leaders for 20 years or so, but we keep gravitating
toward ones who are overconfident and narcissistic (generally not female).
There are well-established gender differences in humility, and they favor women. Not
all women are humble, of course, but selecting leaders on humility would result
in more female than male leaders. Humility is fundamentally a feminine trait. It is also one that is essential to being a
great leader. Without humility it will be very hard for anyone in charge
to acknowledge their mistakes, learn from experience, take into account other
people’s perspectives, and be willing to change and get better. Perhaps the
issue is not that men are unwilling or unable to display it, but that we
dismiss them for leadership roles when they do. This must change, for humility
is a critical driver of leadership effectiveness in both men and women.
DOES
READING THIS UPSET YOU?
Ask
yourself why. If you’re a man, does this make you feel that there’s a campaign
against males and toxic masculinity and that angry feminism is on the
rise? That reaction is getting in the way of your learning from women what you
can do to make yourself more successful. If you’re a woman — and/or a feminist
— do you reject the idea that women are generally more likely to display
feminine traits than men are? That’s exactly the reason the average woman has
more potential for leadership than the average man.
At the
end of the day, the only controversial aspect of our views is the notion that
increasing female representation in leadership would augment rather than reduce
meritocracy. The best gender equality intervention is to focus on equality of
talent and potential — and that only happens when we have gender-equal
leadership to enable men to learn different leadership approaches from women as
much as women have always been told to learn leadership approaches from men.
This article is a short cut. Men, these lessons accelerate your leadership
development. Women, these are the reasons why you should have been leaders
already and why you should demand what you deserve now.
OKELLO ELIOT OTWAO
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